When people enter a relationship, they usually hope for it to last. Though, unfortunately, not all stories end in the couple living happily ever after. Some end with the princess or the prince going to a different Kingdom far, far away, with someone resembling Lord Farquaad.
Sometimes, they do it for a reason — princes and princesses might find love elsewhere, even if it comes at the expense of others. In other times, they ruin whatever beautiful thing they had in the first place and are left with no loving partner, and no Lord on the side. When it comes to infidelity, there is no one way things tend to turn out.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community have recently delved deeper into the topic, after one user addressed the people in the group who’ve ever been unfaithful to their partners. The netizen wanted to know how life changed after they cheated, and people shared all kinds of stories, covering everything from happy endings to scenarios way less fairytale-like. If you want to read their firsthand accounts, scroll down to find them on the list below, where you will also find We’s interview with board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex, Dr. Cortney S. Warren.
#1
I cheated. I left someone who loved me for someone else. And for a long time, I hated myself for it.
Not because I got caught, but because I *saw* the damage I did. The trust I shattered. The way I made someone question their worth, when the truth was—I was the broken one.
I didn’t cheat because my partner wasn’t enough. She was kind, loyal, and gave everything she had. I cheated because *I* didn’t feel enough. I was emotionally immature, uncomfortable with vulnerability, and instead of facing our problems, I escaped into a new connection that made me feel temporarily seen, wanted, powerful.
Cheating felt like a shortcut to a version of myself I didn’t know how to become honestly. And for a moment, it worked. But then the shame came—and the realization that I had hurt someone who only wanted to love me.
To those who’ve been cheated on: It wasn’t your fault. You were *not* lacking. Often, cheating is about the cheater running from themselves, not running from you. And I hope you never carry someone else’s wounds as your own reflection.
To those who’ve cheated: You are still worthy of redemption. You have to own what you did, without minimizing it. Sit with the pain you caused. Learn to stop seeing people as escape hatches from your own discomfort. Only then can you begin to change.
I’m not proud of what I did. But I’ve done the work since then. Therapy. Hard conversations. Sitting in the fire instead of fleeing it. I’ve learned how to love with presence instead of performance. I’ve learned how to *stay.*
No one should be defined by their worst moment forever. But we do have to let that moment shape who we become next.
#2
I was in a 4 year relationship (engaged for 3 years) with someone who wanted to completely control me but give nothing to the relationship. Never listened when I voiced my unhappiness, or promised the world and never delivered. I’d tried to leave a few times, and he’d put on the tears and the guilt, say things like everyone always left him. Threatened to end himself.
Was also the kind of dude that hardly ever wanted physical intimacy which left me feeling completely ugly, but then when we did want it, he’d force it even if I didn’t want it. He controlled me mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.
I went downstage for 3 weeks to visit my family. I begged him to come, even offering to pay for everything. He flat put refused saying he hated the city and my family.
I was there over Christmas and new years, and ended up going to my friend’s new years party where I met a guy. Immediately disclosed my relationship. We got talking and he was really easy to talk to despite us just meeting. I expressed sadness about how my partner never wanted to do anything and how I wouldn’t be getting a new years kiss. He said he didn’t want to leave me disappointed.
That kiss led to a week’s affair. We kept meeting up, and it quickly became physical. I decided regardless what happened with me and the new guy, my engagement was done. I wasn’t in love with him. When I eventually went back home, I broke up with him, told him why. He beat me and screamed at me, calling me every name he could. I get it. I deserved it. We both sucked.
I eventually married my affair partner, and we’re still together and very strong 10 years later. We have a kid. No regrets. I’ve never strayed from him because he actually gives a s**t about me.
#3
I was an alcoholic and overall terrible person. Never want to be that version of myself again.
When it comes to infidelity, there are as many stories as there are couples themselves: some people leave, others fight, some turn to counseling, while others move on as if nothing happened. This list clearly shows that there’s no one way such stories go.
But this time, we wanted to delve deeper into what it takes to save the relationship after infidelity occurs. We turned to board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex, Dr. Cortney S. Warren, who noted that while infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples break up, whether or not the partners want to work through the affair and stay together really depends on the situation.
“Although it can feel bleak and insurmountable in the moment to stay together after an affair, it also offers a couple the opportunity to evaluate and change the way they relate to and see one another,” the expert noted. “Each partner is confronted with a choice: do you want to work to transform through this period to see whether you can build a new relationship together, or do you want to end it here?”
#4
I cheated simply because I used to be, frankly, a f*cking a**hole and only thought of myself.
I tried to justify why I did it and tried to blame her but in the end, I had control of my actions and knew what I was doing!
I thought I needed more attention, more love and more affection but all I did was break the heart of someone who supported me for 20+ years.
I should have manned up and just left instead of crushing her.
I’ll never forget what I’ve done and will for ever be a cheater!
I’m a far better person now and can 100% say I’ve changed but it will never take back what I’ve done!
#5
I was earning 3 times his salary, so I am basically wearing the pants in our relationship. My ex was spending his money with all his wants (new gadgets and clothes), basically his salary became his allowance. If he needed something, I will give him money, like when he needed a new phone, when he wanted to have brand new expensive clothes, I gave it to him without hesitation. This guy, who made me his sugar mom, had the audacity to verbally and physically abuse me whenever things won’t go his way.
I cheated on him, with now my husband, who treated me way better than he could offer. I cheated on him with a man who has financial stability, which my ex never had.
I am not proud that I cheated on him, but I am happily married now and my ex is still where I left him. I dodged a bullet.
The expert pointed out that certain important factors can affect a couple’s ability to recover after an affair, the first one being willingness to work together.
“The negative effects of infidelity on mental health are well documented. For example, most people feel betrayed, angry, anxious, depressed, and ashamed after learning that their partner is cheating. It’s also common for the cheater to feel guilty, depressed, and remorseful and have difficulty expressing what wasn’t working for them about their marriage because the affair itself is such a monumental event that can dominate discourse. If they want to stay together, each person must be willing to work through their own pain and experiences while striving to listen to, understand, and support the other through theirs, all with an eye towards what is in the best interest of their relationship moving forward,” Dr. Warren told We.
#6
I’ve been on both sides, and honestly, it’s complicated. I was unhappy in my relationship but didn’t know how to communicate it at the time. I met someone else, and it felt like a spark I hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t right, and looking back, I regret not being more honest and just ending things properly before starting something new.
#7
I was 21, I was a dumb selfish kid. I was fighting with my boyfriend at the time. Went away for the weekend. Met this other guy and was immediately smitten. I couldn’t reach my boyfriend at the time to end it, he was blocking my calls. I hooked up with this “other guy”. Felt soul-crushing guilt, but also a connection that was hard to ignore.
Flash forward fourteen years. Ex is now a close friend, and “other guy” is my husband, we’ve been together ever since.
Yeah. Weird. Regretful on my part.
#8
I was bored. Not happy in the relationship, but too lazy, too afraid, too content to break up. Didn’t receive any affection. An opportunity presented itself, everything was suddenly so exciting, so novel. I took a stab at it, worst case I could always fallback to my existing relationship, right?
I should have broken up long before that, but I was, and well, still am, a coward.
Another factor is atonement for being unfaithful. According to the expert, full and total responsibility for choosing to engage in an affair and sincere remorse for violating the marital boundaries are often essential to healing. “The cheater must be willing to see their cheating behavior, own it, and apologize for it. This generally includes cutting off contact with the extramarital lover.”
#9
This is my biggest regret in life.
I married my childhood girlfriend at 19. Bought a cabin and fixed it up, then a small brick house that was in the family. I’d never really dated anyone else and her family was very *very* racist/Southern Baptist in the strongest sense. She’d leave me on the weekends after I worked 56 hour weeks so I never spent much time with her during our brief marriage. Aside from this very insignificant issue, there was nothing terribly wrong. I was young and stupid.
At 23, met someone on a video game who was also married. Ended up meeting, fell for each other and both marriages fell apart when it was found out. Had a couple kids together, were together 10 years then…she cheated on me with a couple of guys, the main being someone she met in another MMO.
I lived with so much guilt and regret for hurting someone. It’s still an issue. I like to think I got what I deserved because it hurt so badly losing my family due to her affair. I’d cry myself to sleep in the floor every night for months. I like to think my first wife that I hurt did the same and I was suffering as she did, as I deserved.
Some people cheat and continue to cheat through their lives. For me, it’s a lesson I was given and *will never do again, no matter what. I’d take being boiled in oil over hurting someone like that again.*
If any of you are thinking about doing it, don’t. It’s not worth the damage to their soul or yours.
#10
She cheated on me, I found out when one her friends told me about it. I didn’t let on I knew, stayed with her for a few weeks, then I cheated on her for revenge, told her immediately and then broke up with her. It did absolutely nothing for me and I regret ever doing it, I wish I had just kept the moral high ground.
#11
Cheated on a boyfriend I had been with for 4 years. Married the guy I cheated with. My husband cheated on me with a literal teenager. Karma’s a b***h.
One more thing that can help couples heal the relationship after infidelity is dedication to change what wasn’t working. “Although the person having the affair is always responsible for their behavior, for a couple to stay together requires that each person is willing to examine their contribution to the relationship not working,” Dr. Warren said.
“For example, one or both partners may have avoided having a sexual relationship with their spouse, struggled to communicate their needs and desires openly, or felt bored or suffocated in their current relationship and wanted more excitement. The factors that contributed to marital discord and the affair itself must be unpacked and shifted to decrease the likelihood of it happening again.”
#12
He cheated first, then we agreed to an open relationship. Then he broke the rules of the open relationship 100x times, and continued basically cheating. I only stayed because I was a broke college student who couldn’t afford rent alone.
Then prince charming randomly walked into my life, meeting up after work turned into dinner, drinks, and bareback.
The next day I broke up with my Ex.
I’ve been married to prince charming for 3 years now :).
#13
My Dad’s coworker who I’ll just call Jack, cheated on his wife. He comes from a religious family and the marriage was arranged between his and his wife’s parents. While the wife was fully involved in it the marriage, Jack despised the idea of his parents choosing who he will wed. He couldn’t leave because his wife was against divorce claiming it would make her look bad. But what finally opened his eyes was when his parents and in-laws started demanding he have kids and it made him realize that they were completely toxic and terrible. He cheated on his wife as a way for her to divorce him and moved across the country to where he lives now. 15 years later and 3 kids with his new wife who he is happily married to, he doesn’t regret a thing.
#14
My ex would threatened to unalive himself anytime I would attempt to leave him. He actually put himself in the hospital at my last attempt. I was miserable. He just kept love bombing me and threatening self harm to make me stay. I met someone who I clicked with and ended up cheating. Told my ex and he lost his s**t and broke up with me.
For a while he proceeded to stalk me and try to love bomb me again to get me back, but I refused him. I think he got the hint that we were never going to be together again when the guy I cheated with and I made it official. We’ve been together happily for 5 years now. Honestly I regret cheating, but I felt I had no other choice. If I could go back I would’ve stayed strong and firm when I tried leaving the first time
Equally important to the aforementioned factors is the intention to forgive. Dr. Warren notes that while overcoming an affair is painful to the person who was cheated on, research suggests that forgiveness is a key component of moving on.
“Often a person who is cheated on feels intense rage and anger over the affair, sometimes leading them to punish and resent their spouse. To rebuild trust and connection, forgiveness of the past while setting new boundaries for the future is key.”
#15
PTSD fueled self destructive behaviour. Got into the rave scene, c*****e MDMA and k******e accelerated the issue. Stuck my d**k in crazy and fell into d**g induced infatuation. That didn’t work out, obviously but I sperated from my partner and we lived apart for about a year. We still saw each other though and ended up getting her pregnant (something we had been trying for years).
Many years later we are still together, and still working through the damage, but good partners and great parents.
#16
Started as an innocent friendship at the gym. My husband hadn’t touched me in two years constantly playing video games and refusing therapy. The trainer actually saw me valued me. After three months of fighting my feelings I left.
#17
Not me, but my mom. He cheated first, multiple times, with dudes. He’s a narcissistic a*****e so I’m glad he sort of got his comeuppance in that way. Also, I wouldn’t have been born lol.
Does it justify it? I’m not sure and I don’t care regardless. F**k him for what he put my mom through.
Lastly, the couple should put effort into reconnecting and reattaching. “Building positive, loving intimacy is key to moving forward. It may take time to want to be sexual and emotionally vulnerable again, but the goal is to come together again in a fulfilling way,” Dr. Warren said, adding that if both partners aren’t willing to work together to move forward, it’s unlikely that the relationship will survive in a healthy way.
#18
My ex was physically and emotionally a*****e. I was freshly 21 at the time and he was 26. It was my first serious relationship.
Before ending things with my ex, I met my now husband, who showed me what real love looked like from the moment we met.
This will be our 4th year married, 5 years together total, and we have a beautiful family. I could not be more thankful that my husband came into my life when he did. He is truly my best friend and the supreme love of my life.
#19
10 year relationship and I feel bad every day. I cheated cause I was unhappy. I wasn’t perfect either. I voiced it numerous times, things would get better but they’d still go back to the usual. I found another woman to confide in and a shoulder to cry on. She also cheated on her partner at the time. We were on and off for 18 months, just FWD style and then we tried to be a couple but that was a c*********k in itself.
COVID hit and I used the excuse of lockdowns not to see her again, thank f**k we were never living together.
Currently with someone else, together for 5 years with a baby in tow. I am happy now but occasionally get flashbacks to what i did and it turns my day. She didn’t deserve it. She’s much happier now with someone else and so am I.
#20
I cheated on my ex-husband. We should’ve never gotten married. There was infidelity from the start on his side. Then we got married and I found some repulsive s**t on his phone during our honeymoon (nearly 40 year old man hitting on 18 year olds via Snapchat. A girl we both worked with). After that I fell completely out of love with him and felt trapped.
I got close with a coworker who was in an unhappy marriage and we started screwing around. I spiraled after that. The following year was so traumatic. Eventually we separated and then I went down a dark path for a bit and almost ended up in a very similar relationship but a really good therapist helped me start piecing my life back together and then I met my now-fiancé and I knew that as I was, I wasn’t ready for the good thing he had to offer me so I made myself ready. Three years later we are engaged, no fighting or infidelity, so much love and stability, and I am just the most grateful woman in the world.
#21
Not me or my family. Someone I know cheated on his wife, divorced, stayed with the person the cheated with and have a whole new life. This all happened 20+years ago, everyone has moved on. He, ex wife, and current wife (the one who cheated with) get together for holidays, and important life events for their adult children. Everyone is fairly amicable.
#22
I was a kid, 18yo. My then boyfriend and I had the pregnancy talk about what would happen if I got pregnant. He told me he “would wait for me at the
bottom of the stairs with a wire coat hanger.” It was then I realized our relationship was over, but wasn’t strong enough to end it. Eventually met a coworker and started to cheat.
#23
Gay. He was wonderful too, great partner. Deserved better. That’s how I knew I wasn’t straight.
#24
To be totally honest it’s because I went through a period of time where I was just a bad person. I cheated physically once, although I would say there was a lot of emotional cheating leading up to it. I was young and in university and my high school partner and I never saw each other and I was getting a bunch of attention from this guy. I got a rush out of the “secrecy” and “forbidden” aspect of it all so I just gave in one day when me and this guy were on mushrooms. I felt terrible then, I feel terrible now. I ended my relationship the next day. Turns out he also cheated on me lol. But I still feel bad and I haven’t done it in any relationship since. Cheating is a horrible thing to do and I will always regret doing it.
#25
I was unhappy and mistreated in the relationship. I met someone who made me feel seen during a time I was really insecure. I told my partner a month later after she confessed something that also hurt me, but she got angrier. I felt awful the days after i did it and realized i should’ve just left the relationship sooner. I know what i did was wrong and I’ve vowed never to repeat it. And tbh, even if she treated me like s**t, she didnt deserve what i did to her.
#26
I cheated because she did it first. One time i went through her phone and saw videos and photos of her doing things. I acted out of pure anger and jealousy so one day i offered to pay my female friend to take a couple of explicites photos and videos while also hiding our faces and so one day i invited her to come hangout in my room and i pretend to use the bathroom and hoping she went through my phone and find the videos and hoping she felt the same turns out she did and when i came back in she said “something came up at home so i gotta go rn” the last time i ever saw and heard from her.
#27
He had a kid with someone else while we were toghether, I found out and instead of breaking up with him I decided to hurt his feelings back.
#28
Was gay
#29
I’ve cheated on two partners.
First time I was 21. He was a*****e and when I’d try to leave, he tell me he’d k**l himself and it would be on me for the rest of my life. Found someone who I could turn to when I was being abused. I never felt guilty for what I did because he was so so so awful to me.
Second time I actually still feel terrible for. He never found out. But he just would not do anything with me. All he wanted to do was play video games and drink. I couldn’t get him to go places with me so I started doing everything alone. We slept in opposite rooms. I worked overnights and he would scream at his video games all during the day when I was trying to sleep even when I asked him not to. Then if I made a single noise in the middle of the night on my days off, it was an issue. He’d wake me up after I worked 3 12 hour shifts to ask if I was going to cook dinner for him while he gamed and got drunk. He, too would threaten to k**l himself if I left. It got to the point where I saw no point in even being alive anymore because I was so depressed. Found someone who gave me attention. Eventually we did her back together but the same s**t kept happening. Didn’t cheat on him again but i eventually gave him the option for us to do couples therapy or I was leaving and he refused therapy.
#30
Bipolar. D***s. Booze. She took me back. Still together