Becoming a parent is a magical experience. But along with all of the joy that comes from having an adorable little person relying on you, there’s also a mountain of responsibilities. Not only are you required to keep your children safe and healthy, but you should also ensure that they feel loved and supported at all times.
Daughters of Reddit have recently been detailing the most common mistakes that dads tend to make when raising girls, so we’ve gathered a list of their advice below. From being gentle with their daughters’ boyfriends to actually remembering their friends’ names, enjoy scrolling through these tips for fathers. Keep reading to also find conversations with the Reddit user who started this thread and Jim Mckenzie, Founder and CEO of Everything for Dads, and be sure to upvote the replies you think should be required reading for dads!
#1
Not listening and acting when your child says “no.” I’m not talking about issues of health and safely but more general “I don’t want to be tickled right now” or “please don’t call me that nickname you think is cute but I’ve told you I dislike.”
She HAS TO be able to trust that the first important man in her life will listen when she expresses what she will and won’t consent to.
To find out how this thread started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Bluemonday82, who posed the question: “Daughters of reddit: what’s the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?”
He shared that he doesn’t remember exactly what inspired him to start this conversation, but he recalls a situation where he made a mistake with his teenage daughter and regretted it. “I realized that there could be other things that I was doing that were having a negative impact on her without being aware,” the author explained. “So, I decided to create the question and hoped to get a couple of helpful responses.”
We were also curious about how the OP’s own dad was. “My father was very distant, in all ways. Honestly, I can’t think of anything he did exceptionally well,” Bluemonday82 noted. “He needed to be more present in the lives of his children, in all ways.”
#2
The way they talk about women. Making assumptions about them easy, promiscuous, or a s**t based on how they dress. Making sleazy or fatphobic remarks on their body proportions. They make it like women exist for their viewing pleasure.
But thankfully, the OP says he parents his two children very differently than how his mother and father did. “I have a good relationship with them. They trust me, and they talk to me,” he shared. “And unlike my own parents, every single day I tell them that I love them.”
So what did Bluemonday82 think of the replies to his post? “First of all, I didn’t expect to get so many responses, and was caught off-guard at how heartfelt and revealing they were. I read every single one of them. And it was not my place to agree or disagree with them,” he told We. “As a man and father, I read them to learn and understand. And I am very grateful to every single woman who replied to help all men learn how to be better fathers and better men.”
“There were a few replies that surprised me. I expected the theme of different treatment between sons and daughters to be raised, but was surprised at how many women were hurt by not being taught practical skills that their brothers learned,” the father continued.
#3
My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn’t know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that. It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn’t know how to talk about it in the past. But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on. We hugged for a really long time after that, and we’ve been hugging extra tight ever since 🙂
So I guess what I wanna say is, don’t treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking! I’m so proud of my dad for the person he’s become
“Perhaps the most shocking were the women who recounted being shamed and sexualized for the clothes they wore in their own home around their family, even as young girls,” the author shared. “I would never have thought that this could be so damaging. That was eye-opening.”
“Perhaps the saddest were the replies from women who said that they never knew their fathers for a host of different reasons. Those responses were really hard to read. The pain that these women still felt went right through the screen and hit hard,” the dad said.
Finally, he added that he hopes all men will read this article and learn from it to be better men and better fathers.
#4
Expecting different things from their daughters than their sons, especially when it comes to household chores. Like, Brother mows the lawn once a week but Sister has to do all the dishes, sweep the floors, and fold the laundry every day.
#5
Not teaching us the same things they teach their sons ie) car maintenance, building s**t, power tools etc.
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Jim Mckenzie, Founder and CEO of Everything for Dads, who was kind enough to share his thoughts on this topic.
“After coaching and connecting with thousands of dads over my 30-plus years of fatherhood, I’ve seen two big mistakes dads often make with their daughters: Being way too overprotective [and] dismissing their daughters’ feelings,” the expert says.
#6
Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad “doesn’t have anything in common with a girl”. This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son’s life.
“Let’s start with the first one. Being overprotective can actually backfire and hurt your relationship with your daughter, especially as she grows up,” Jim noted. “I totally get the fear—worrying about her safety or even things like accidental pregnancy. That’s completely normal (and moms worry about this stuff too!).”
“But some dads take it to an extreme. I’ve seen Facebook groups where dads joke about shooting their daughters’ boyfriends,” he continued. “It might be meant as humor, but this mindset can push your daughter away. Instead of feeling safe coming to you with issues, she might just shut down.”
#7
I cut contact with him nearly ten years ago, because he was an overall piece of s**t, but these are a couple of examples of how not to be a daughter’s father. Or anyone’s father.
When I was just hitting puberty, I was in a store with my dad and picked out a hair removal cream. He asked why I needed that, and I said for my under arms, and he laughed in my face. Loads of people looked at us really awkwardly. I was mortified.
Also, he would tell me off and call me names for showing emotions other than neutrality or happiness (but not too much happiness). When I was about 7 or 8, I cried watching “All dogs go to heaven”, and he called me a “stupid f*****g c**t” for crying over a cartoon. Now I’m 28, with a monotone voice that I can’t get rid of without putting a hell of a lot of effort in. I really struggle any time I get gifts, because I know my face and voice often don’t show how grateful and excited I am. I also have anger issues, because I was never taught how to deal with frustration and anger, I was just made to bottle it up instead.
#8
Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives. Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions – like what their daughters birthday, or eye color, or school is, and the dads have no idea are not at all funny. I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me – even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years.
#9
Acting like periods are disgusting.
“The second one—dismissing emotions—is another biggie,” Jim shared. “A lot of dads don’t mean to do it, but it happens when they brush off their daughters’ feelings or don’t make space for real conversations. Once they do that, they are setting themselves up for future failure in their relationships. And let’s be honest, not every dad is great at diving into the things his daughter loves, so sometimes there’s a gap in connection that grows over time.”
#10
Expecting your daughter to do all the (physical and mental) labor your wife does when your wife is not around.
#11
My dad didn’t do any of the stereotypical mistakes.
But as a fully grown woman, I can now look back and see how my dad never complimented me.
He never called me beautiful, or intelligent, or talented, or kind, or anything.
And I was. I was a lovely, smart, motivated, talented kid. But I was deeply insecure. I think a little encouragement from love would’ve done me so much good.
#12
Body shaming/ fat shaming
I’m a full grown adult and can name every single time he called me fat, told my friends I needed a diet, ate snacks in front of my and told me I couldn’t have any cause I didn’t need it. I quit theater in school cause ‘how many fat actresses do you see’. No good man will ever want me. Ect.. ect…
Don’t do that dads.
We also asked Jim if dads are more likely to make these mistakes than moms. “Honestly, yes,” he shared. “And I think it comes down to how society has shaped us. Historically, moms have had this ‘village’ of support for raising kids, while dads were told to be the tough ones.”
“Most of us were raised by dads who didn’t show emotions, let alone talk about them. Vulnerability? Forget about it—it was seen as weak. Those old-school ideas haven’t disappeared completely, even though things are starting to change,” Jim explained.
#13
The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching tv or being on the computer and not having time to play with me, he always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did.
so since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either.
#14
My dad wanted to raise intelligent and capable daughters but also wanted to be treated like the family patriarch. We had to get good grades but any attempt to express individuality was crushed. Quelle surpise, I developed depression as a teen. Got therapy for it, the therapist had a family session and told my dad he was f*****g up. Therapy stopped.
Also he and my mother were miserable together, and I internalized a lot of bad ish about how they treated each other that took about a decade to unpack and overcome. Together or not, treat your daughter’s mother with kindness and respect.
Lastly, studies have shown that girls who are taught about bodily autonomy and consent aren’t at any greater or lesser risk of being victimized by a r*pist. But knowing ‘your body is yours and your consent matters’ makes them more likely to report abuse and assault.
#15
The whole “tell your bfs I’ve got a shot gun” mentality.
That’s the quickest way to teach them to hide bfs from you. A) it’s unnerving and B) it means you don’t trust their choices.
Much better to have a home where the boys are expected to come in and meet you, you get a feeling about them, then have a rational discussion with your daughters later on. Not a raging ‘get rid of him’ kind of chat. Like a chat where you say I didn’t like how he said this to you, does he respect you, etc. She’ll be more likely to listen to logic, and more likely to come to you if she’s worried or unsure about things.
Open dialogue rather than telling her you know better. Odds are, you DO know better. But telling her that shuts her down and she feels like you don’t value her thoughts or opinions. So she won’t open up to you again.
“The problem is, a lot of dads today haven’t been given the tools or space to adapt,” Jim says. “Asking for help still feels like a no-go for many guys, which is why we see a mental health crisis and such high rates of [taking their own lives] among men.”
“This is one of the reasons I’m still so passionate about helping dads. Things are moving in the right direction, but we’ve still got a lot of work to do,” he shared. “Thankfully, I see more moms recognizing that dads need help too, and that’s a step in the right direction.”
#16
I can’t speak for anyone else, but my standards for how I expected to be treated in a relationship came from watching my dad interact with my mom. And surprise, surprise, my first relationship was with an emotionally abusive and controlling person who made me feel like I was worth nothing. (I went to therapy and now I’m in a healthy relationship and don’t speak to my parents. :))
So I would say the way you treat your wife is a reflection of the relationships your daughter will probably default toward in the future. If you treat your wife kindly, like a person who is worthy of respect and care, your daughter is likely to find a partner who does the same for her. If you don’t, the reverse becomes more probable.
#17
Not apologizing or taking accountability for making mistakes, everything was always everyone else’s fault….which means we now have a surface level relationship because he could never be open or self reflective.
#18
Doubting the sincerity/professionalism/skill of other women they encounter because they’re women.
One time my dad said “you know they only put that woman [insert title of car show] on the mechanics team for one reason (hinting at the reason being eye candy).”
It stayed with me. I had been dealing with a lot of sexism in the industry I was pursuing — making a connection inevitably led to a request for a dinner date or a sexual proposition — and it really made me depressed to hear my dad say something like that about a woman who probably really did have an interest in cars.
He didn’t get why I was so upset.
So what advice would Jim give to dads who want to maintain strong relationships with their daughters?
“Prioritizeactive listeningand create a safe space for their daughters to express themselves,” he told We. “Nothing makes a daughter warier of her father than feeling dismissed or talked over—especially during the teenage years. While teens can often interrupt or challenge you mid-conversation, it’s essential to remain patient, even when it’s frustrating.”
“If you want to have a strong bond with your daughter, start by being a good listener,” Jim continued. “Not just ‘uh-huh’ listening—really listen. Give her the space to talk without jumping in to ‘fix’ everything or cutting her off.”
#19
Being *too* overprotective. It has the opposite effect. Your daughter will be so scared of your overreaction that if something actually happens, she’ll be hesitant to tell you.
#20
Thinking that your daughter’s emotional needs are being met by her mother. Even if mom and daughter are very close and talk often, it is still important to ask your daughter about her day, her relationships, her triumphs and struggles. My mom is my best friend, but our relationship was more volatile than my relationship with my dad and I was scared of disappointing her. My dad was often neutral territory and got to hear all the gossip before mom did. My dad was awesome!
#21
Not showing/explaining what a good man/partner looks like.
Jim says it’s also super important to get involved in what your daughter loves. “Whether that’s sports, art, music, or something completely different, showing genuine interest goes a long way,” he shared. “One of my daughters is obsessed with all musicals, and I’ve sat through the Disney version ofWest Side Storyand gritted my teeth…! Do I love all these modern musicals? Not really – especially the Disney West Side Story (Rita Moreno could still do a better job at 93 years old!)But does my daughter love that I do this with her? Absolutely—and it’s worth it every time.”
#22
Expecting that we will accept their wrongs as easily and readily as our mothers did.
#23
Telling women to be more patient and tolerant of the men in their lives because they “don’t know any better” and that it’s the woman’s job to keep the household together.
This came from my single mom and she has a son and a daughter who are both adults. Guess who still cooks, cleans, and does the laundry for their son while the daughter does that for herself in the same household?
Teach your daughter to respect herself more. If any person (man or woman) can’t keep up with basic physical and emotional expectations, teach them. If they are unteachable or not respectful, leave them.
#24
Treating women poorly. Giving different rules because you’re a girl. Leaving and thinking their daughters don’t want or need your attention anymore. Not having actual conversations with them.
“It’s also important to show vulnerability. Sharing your personal experiences fosters trust and connection,” Jim continued. “For dads who may struggle to connect, the key is findingcommon ground. Learn about your daughter’s hobbies just as you would with a son. Please don’t label certain sports or activities as ‘male-only.’ Daughters who feel underestimated or seen as ‘weak’ can develop resentment.”
“For example, I’ve had (and still have) competitive soccer kickarounds with my two eldest daughters (now 24 and 26), and they love knocking me around on the field,” Jim shared. “I’ve raised my daughters the same way I’ve raised my sons—to be kind and compassionate but also tough and assertive when needed.”
#25
Do not embarrass your child when they hit puberty, or exclaim in a store”she needs a bra, she has breasts now” . I wanted to die that day.
#26
Asking your child if they’re on their period when they display any emotions. Also not spending quality time with your daughter because you only want to do “boy” things with your sons.
#27
Treating sons differently when it comes to bf/gf relationships….
My younger brother was caught making out in the high school bathroom with a girl and my dad said good job 🙄
I was in high school and he saw me with a guy’s arm around me, no kissing, and absolutely freaks out, grounds me etc. Like what the actual f**k.
Finally, Jim noted that, “Toxic masculinity is sadly pervasive today, and it’s on fathers to set an example of strong and compassionate leadership. We can lead with kindness and strength and teach our kids—both sons and daughters—how to be better.”
And if you’d like to learn even more about this topic, don’t hesitate to reach out to Jim at Everything For Dads!
#28
Not actively listening to me.
#29
Not trying to understand or communicate with them. I was the only girl in my friends group that had a father she could hold a conversation with. Most of my girlfriends had fathers who were toxic or not involved. They never talked about feelings or thoughts. It was sad. My father and I talked about all kinds of things and he taught me about everything. I could ask him anything. He took the time.
#30
Not showing a healthy range of emotions or how to work with emotions.
My dad was of the “emotions are irrational and should be shut down” camp. Ie. Scream at the kid to stop crying.
Because anger didn’t count as an emotion.
#31
Dads treating their daughter’s virginity like it’s their possession to give to a male of their choosing, instead of recognizing that it belongs to their daughter. S****y bonus points to the dads that try to fight their daughter’s boyfriends.
#32
Not controlling your temper. Even if you are someone who would never put your hands on her, it’s still scary. You can always use your size and voice to win arguments so you have to make an active effort to never pick up those “tools” because they will always enable you to win. Even if she knows she is safe with you it is still scary and lowers self-esteem.
#33
My dad tended to mock me about my eating habits; if I took more than one bowl or plate of something, he’d make a comment about how I was “eating for three.” I was maybe 12 when he started, and it’s stuck with me.
He also didn’t stop my sister from making those comments and often joined in himself.
I saw your comment about being the dad of a teen daughter. Please, please don’t comment on her eating habits. It does so much damage. I’m 21 and still struggle with an ED because my dad kept commenting on it.
#34
My dad was so worried about my older brother’s success that my own was swept under the rug. Was constantly told “not to brag” or “show off” about job offers, when I bought my first house, or hit any milestone before my brother. I didn’t speak to my dad for a long time because I couldn’t stand it.
#35
When I was under the age of 10, my dad would take me on fishing/hunting trips, etc. After puberty started, forget it. In fact, I remember being 15, and I expressed interest in wanting to go hunting for a few hours. Time comes around to head out, and I go outside just for my other relatives to tell me Dad already left (and took my 16M cousin with him, instead).
For the longest time, I really didn’t spend much alone time with my dad because I felt as though he wasn’t interested in spend time with me.
#36
The gross oversexualizing jokes.
My dad would always always joke about my breast and body, call us virgins or whores and it was always f*****g weird, he didn’t stop until around the 5th time I screamed at him to stop sexualizing his own kids.
#37
My dad never stops until he is stopped. He called my younger brother “Stupid” as a nickname for months. We told him to stop nicely. He could clearly see that his EIGHT year old son was hurt by the nickname. What got him to stop was me blowing up at him.
The world revolves around him. We could have been rushing all morning to get ready to go somewhere. My mom, siblings, and I would be loaded in the car and he would be sitting watching TV with the keys in his hand. He refused to get ready on the morning of my cousin’s funeral until I yelled at him. He never considers other people’s needs or emotions. He doesn’t even notice them if it’s not an extreme reaction.
He never recognizes my mother. He wouldn’t survive a week without her, yet he treats her like she’s stupid.
He made me reactive and angry. My mom hates it. I yell and then he gets pissy and distant. I love the silent treatment from him, but my mom is too much of a peacekeeper. I wish she would grow a spine. I wish she would leave. She told me that she was on the cusp of divorcing him when I was a toddler. I had to but my tongue to not say “I wish you did”
It’s easier to have one major fight than have to watch my mother walk on eggshells for weeks in hopes he got sick of whatever ‘joke’ caught his fancy. One time he asked me why I always “rip his head off.” That conversation went as well as you would expect.
#38
Yelling constantly, and then yelling when I would cry. After an hour or so, would apologize. If I didn’t accept the apology, he would start yelling again and the cycled repeated. He apologized with words a billion times but almost never changed his actions.
#39
Thinking that money is a substitute for quality time.
#40
Getting angry for something the kid doesn’t know, and never teaching it (Not before and not even after getting angry).
Doing something you know it upsets the kid on purpose.
Hitting doors and stuff in the house because you’re angry.
Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping.
(Forgive my english, I´m not native).
#41
Being present only financially.
#42
Not getting to know us as people especially into adulthood. After a lifetime of me trying and him not bothering all I have is a surface level relationship with him. I’m sad about it but for my mental health I had to come to terms with the fact he was never particularly interested in parenting. He just wanted to have kids.
#43
Not understanding that you are more than capable of making such poor decisions that you lose your child’s love, trust and loyalty and that they may never want to speak to you again.
– from a daughter who doesn’t speak with her dad because of the choices he made.
#44
Being absent in younger teen years. My dad worked hard for us so I don’t begrudge the roof over my head nor the food in my belly. BUT he missed out on so many special events, first dance, band performances, special events etc because he was working. He didn’t see how my mother treated me and my siblings. He didn’t see the harm she was inflicting on us and herself with her drinking. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him. As an adult we have a much better relationship but I’m still sad he wasn’t more present in my early life.
#45
A dad is supposed to show his daughter how she should be treated by a future husband. Being kind. Always supportive. Having patience.
Never judge her for her looks. Don’t embarrass her about her growing boobs or period stuff.
Never mention her weight in a negative way. Don’t have the mindset that you can’t be a Dad if you’re no longer with the mother. Fight for her if need be. Never sexualize her or speak about other women in a sexual way around her. A girls Dad is how she learns trust in a man. Y’all’s roles are so much more important than you realize.
#46
Not educating them financially. Girls can earn, save and invest money. Financial education should start at home. It’s better than constantly learning the hard way as women often have to do later on in life.
#47
Being afraid to do what she wants, even if that’s stereotypical little girl stuff.
I cherish the tea parties I was able to have with my dad growing up, painting each others nails, doing each others hair. It developed my perception of masculinity and I learned about caring about someone in the way they ask to be cared for, not in the way you’d prefer for yourself.
#48
Not dealing with or recognizing their internal (or external) misogyny.
#49
Eh, so many things. Two main things though.
1) My father made me feel so bad about my body, I am still struggling with my body at 38. My weight, size, appearance, style, and so much more we’re always left wanting. I was never pretty to him. My mother and step mother received a similar treatment. They were never enough. I still don’t know what my body should be. I struggle every hour of every day because I am not pretty.
2) My father made me feel bad/embarrassed for loving him. Once I became a preteen, my affection was no longer okay. Pushed away from hugs, snide comments about notes in cards, and so on.
#50
I was invisible, I have not one loving moment with my father. I was never smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Just treating me like I mattered at all would have been amazing.
#51
Being afraid to say ‘I love you’.
#52
Expecting their daughter to mature really fast while letting their son be a child for way to long.
#53
Treating their emotions like they’re petty. Don’t belittle their very real feelings by saying it’s hurt “girl drama”.
#54
My dad was, in nearly every respect, a wonderful father — *far* more involved than any of my peers’ dads, and he raised me to understand that I could, and would, do everything my brothers did. Nothing was ever off limits because of gender, nothing was “a boy thing,” and he was happy to entertain and foster any of my interests, whether stereotypically “girly” or otherwise. He always made time for me, often at serious cost/effort, but never ever made it seem like a hardship.
I don’t know how common this is, but the one thing I’d criticize him for was being clear that he had a preference for a particular style/aesthetic that my mom adhered to and that I, for most of my young life, did as well — to the degree that I was irrationally guilty and afraid to ever change my looks or style. Like, pathologically afraid to change it. (To be clear, he wasn’t weird or applied any pressure about it, just kind of a “X natural feature you both share is so incredibly beautiful and rare and it would be such a shame to change it.) I still struggle with making noticeable changes to my looks because for my whole life I cared so much about living up to his expectations and not disappointing him, and this was something that got buried in there as a way to be a disappointment.
So maybe my advice to dads is: make sure you daughter knows you’re supportive of her style choices, even if they aren’t your favorite? It’s small but it matters, especially when your daughter craves your approval. Even if you know she’d always have it.
#55
Not talking to their daughters and using silence as a punishment. Or saying that “not speaking to their own daughter was the best time of their life they’ve ever had.” Telling their daughter they don’t care to know who they are and don’t care to want to get to know them but talk about how they should get to know their other kids. Not ever saying I love you. And I’m riding off of another person that posted this but not actively listening.
#56
A big reason I don’t have a good relationship with my dad is because he didn’t take any interest in things that interested me as a kid… I was basically on my own when we’d be with him.
#57
Completely checking out of raising them because they believe their daughters are smart enough to raise themselves. well, i wasn’t! i needed help and got none!! also: abuse, teasing, inappropriate conversations, terrorizing, gaslighting, neglect, shall i go on? my father sucks.
#58
Projecting their own fears and insecurities onto them.
#59
Teasing them about their looks, no matter how small or innocent it seems.
#60
Treating them like a son you didn’t get.
It’s fine if you have ‘manly’ interest and want to share them with your daughter, car repair, camping , sports. Share away however don’t go around saying how you’re raising her like a boy, or how she’s the easiest girl ever because you share interest, she is not you stand in for a son. Support all he in stress even if/when she expresses interests that differ from you, in to ‘girly’ things, support that, don’t make comments about how girly it is, oh I’m sunrises you like that etc. She can do both.
#61
I’m an only child, and before I was born, the doctors told my parents I was going to be a boy (apparently I’d curl into a ball during ultrasounds and the umbilical cord+a conveniently placed bubble made it appear that I had an extra appendage) but spoiler alert: I am not.
The gender disappointment has been felt for pretty much all my 22 years on this earth, and it has sucked so bad. My dad would try to get me to like the things he did, and I tried to form that bond with him, but it never really happened. We butted heads more than we got along.
I never really learned what meaningful relationships with men should be like (he was never abusive but parenting/being a role model wasn’t really his strong suit).
Anywho, now I’ve got trust issues and problems with self-esteem and needing to prove that I deserve love and attention. Thankfully I found a lovely boyfriend who gives me assurance and cares for me rather than taking advantage of my daddy issues 🤣.
#62
Don’t treat her like other women that you don’t understand. If she’s crying on seemingly stupid things, don’t be like Oh “I don’t understand girls”, even if it’s just in your mind, just drop that attitude and try to be supportive and understanding. & don’t make her feel alienated or stupid for liking the feminine things (if she does) even if you don’t know anything about them.
#63
Not listening to their political opinions because they’re women/thinking they can’t make financial decisions because of that.
#64
* Overprotectiveness / sheltering / isolating their daughters
* Body shaming their daughters
* Holding daughters to a double standard, essentially cutting them off from important opportunities and thwarting their ambitions and interests if they don’t correspond to “feminine” norms
* Not being emotionally available and, oftentimes, physically available (i.e. spending time with their daughters)
This list is specific to daughters; there are all kinds of other things that many dads (and moms) do wrong with kids of any sex or gender. (Also, it’s not to say that dads don’t screw up with their sons in these ways, e.g. body shaming or holding sons to traditionally masculine stereotypes, but that’s not what OP asked, and in any case in a patriarchal society these kinds of parental failures hit girls different than boys.).
#65
Mostly the same as with any kid: being abusive. But in regards to being a woman specifically my dad’s lowest point was probably when he said “if you go out at night it means you want to be r*ped”.
#66
Neglecting them because they really wanted a son.
#67
Assuming the daughter will “marry well” so puts less effort and resources towards her education.
#68
My dad never prioritized his health or his finances adequately. He passed from a heart attack and left a massive amount of debt behind. I’ll miss him every day and always wonder why he did things the way he did.
#69
S**t shaming me because I wore a tank top. And it wasn’t even a spaghetti strap top it was a two fingers thick top. My older brother joined in and I just felt attacked. To this day if I dress nice (a dress and make-up) just to do errands he asks if I have to “wear that just to go to the store.”
#70
My dad was simply a body in the house. Minimal to no conversations, workaholic, only really spoke to enforce disciplinary actions (including verbal abuse and physical discipline), showed love by providing a roof over our heads, but completely emotionally unavailable in every way. Mocked us when we cried, I think because he didn’t know how to handle emotions and it made him deeply uncomfortable (not to be intentionally cruel). He was a misogynist who loved Howard Stern, though, and he’d delegate any chores my mom gave him to us. I still remember her telling him to do something and then him going, “Girls!” Makes me laugh now.
He’d come home from work to hole himself up for hours with his porn addiction each day, holding up a flimsy piece of paper to block the screen and scream at us if we happened to open the door to the room he was in. And when he wasn’t doing that, he was watching war documentaries on repeat or paranormal shows that scared the c**p out of me.
Our entire existence revolved around him because he was chronically ill and took zero responsibility for it (brittle type one diabetic who went on to have strokes/heart attacks, etc. but thought diet was cliche, so he’d skip meals and guzzle coca cola, etc). Basically instilled in us that you work until you drop and never prioritize yourself when sick, which is something we all struggle with today.
Everyone outside of the house got the best of him, so it was really weird not knowing if he simply didn’t have the capacity to connect (because of how sick he had become that ultimately affected his mental capacity) or if it was a willful choice not to engage. To the point where, when his work desk was cleared out, I was absolutely shocked to find he had pictures of me there. Somehow everyone else knew him as this intelligent, passive peacemaker/story teller who made everyone laugh and loved his daughters.
I don’t really blame him, though, as he came from a family where they couldn’t talk about anything and had fostered a sense of denial in him around his health. He didn’t know how to advocate or stand up for himself, much less love himself, so how could I expect that from him, you know? I think he did what everyone else does–the best with what he knew how at the time.
Anyway. Don’t be like that. 😂.
#71
Wanting her to be something shes not and always being disappointed by that instead of getting to know her for the person she is 🙃🙃🙃 shout out my dad for making me feel like I’m not good enough for him lol.
#72
Universal dad cannon: never remembers the names of my friends.
Not a big deal but always annoyed me as a kid.