I once heard that exes are like glitter because you think you’ve cleaned them out of your life, but somehow they show up years later, sticking to everything.
And while most post-breakup reunions involve awkward coffee and empty promises of staying friends, today’s Original Poster’s (OP) story involves a surprise toddler and a bold proposal.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:When someone from your past reaches out after years of silence, it’s natural to wonder why, but imagine it’s to find out they want you to co-parent their child
The author dated her now ex-boyfriend for five years but ended things due to his emotional distance and secretive behavior
Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276
Three years after their breakup, he unexpectedly reached out to reveal he found out that he has a 3-year-old daughter born near the end of their relationship
Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276
He asked her to help co-parent the child and suggested rebuilding a relationship, even if not romantically at first
Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276
She declined, feeling used and shocked by his request, seeing it as unfair to both her and the child
The OP and her ex were together through college and into their early adult years, but she ended the relationship three years ago due to his emotional unavailability and habit of emotionally “vanishing” during arguments. Fast forward to the present. Her ex reached out out of the blue, asking to meet for coffee.
During a tense, awkward reunion, he dropped the real reason for contacting her, and she hadn’t seen it coming. Apparently, he recently found out he has a daughter who was born right around the time their relationship ended. He claimed he only learned of the child this year and is just now trying to get involved in her life.
He then asked the OP to help raise the child as a trusted co-parent, someone to “rebuild something” with. Understandably, she said no, but he reminded her that she had always wanted a family while she was just left shocked at the audacity.
To better understand the complicated emotions behind reconnecting and co-parenting with an ex, We spoke with licensed marriage and relationship therapist Steph Anya, who shed light on the role guilt often plays in these situations. She explained that “guilt can feel like a sense of duty, pushing someone to stay involved not because it’s healthy, but because they feel they should.”
Distinguishing between genuine responsibility and unhealthy obligation comes down to emotional clarity, and she emphasized that one should never allow themselves be guilt-tripped into doing something they aren’t comfortable doing and “not especially if it comes presenting itself as an opportunity you don’t want to miss out on.”
When asked what advice she’d give to someone feeling pressured into a caregiving role they didn’t sign up for, Anya emphasized the importance of self-checking. “Healthy caregiving should come from a place of willingness, not emotional burnout or force.”
She also added that “it’s okay to say no if the role feels overwhelming. It’s not selfish if you’re not obligated to step into that role, and you should be able to reject or renegotiate it, if possible.”
And when emotional manipulation enters the picture, particularly from an ex, boundaries become non-negotiable. “Manipulation often hides behind guilt-tripping or urgency disguised as care,” she explained and then advised responding with clarity, not immediacy.
She suggested not being afraid to keep things short and to the point, especially when children are involved. “Boundaries aren’t meant to punish, but to protect. I often say that boundaries are not walls, but doors you simply choose how and when to open.”
Netizens supported the OP and criticized the ex’s behavior. They saw through his motives, calling out that he most likely doesn’t want a partner, but an emotional babysitter. They also pointed out the likely reality that the child was conceived during the relationship, suggesting he cheated and is now deflecting accountability.
What do you think about this situation? How would you respond if someone tried to hand you a parental role out of nowhere like this? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens applauded the author for not taking on that responsibility, stating that the ex probably just needs a babysitter
