Navigating parental rights after a divorce is a task and a half. You’ve got to consider your own emotions, the wellbeing of your kids and even the actual laws in place. The reality is that sometimes a parent will have to battle their ex over the finer details of co-parenting.
A man turned to the internet for advice when his ex-wife and her new partner kept battling him over adding the ex’s new husband as an emergency contact for his kids. We reached out to the man who shared the post via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
RELATED:Co-parenting with an ex is complicated to say the least
So one man had to deal with some drama when he refused to make his ex’s new husband his kids emergency contact
Managing kids with your ex comes with all sorts of pitfalls
Co-parenting after divorce most often means a delicate balance between two households, shifting schedules, and the emotional needs of children who may feel divided between loyalties. When a new partner comes into the picture, the idea of granting that step-parent the same rights as the biological or legal parent can be intimidating to many. The resistance usually stems from a mix of emotional, legal, and practical concerns rather than hostility, they are interested in preserving stability and clear authority for the child amidst already complex changes.
The children themselves might sense changes in authority. They might feel torn between following the new adult and being loyal to the absent or less-available parent. Granting a step-parent the complete prerogatives of parenthood could endanger stirring up these feelings: if the child feels that the step-parent possesses the right to make legal or disciplinary decisions equal to the biological parent, they will react with opposition or confusion, endangering both parents’ efforts at providing a sense of security.
Parental rights carry significant legal ramifications, consent to medical treatment, decisions regarding schooling, travel approvals, and so on. Most jurisdictions do not automatically bestow such rights on step-parents, partly to avoid muddying custody or inheritance. Parents worry that giving such rights to step-parents would lead to conflict or issues should the relationship dissolve, or should the step-parent’s views not align with those of the other biological parent.
Trying to “force” the issue will only lead to conflict
Rapport and trust must develop naturally. A step-parent may deserve a major role in the child’s life, but claiming a role with equal rights without having earned deep trust strains relationships. Parents want a step-parent to demonstrate commitment first in terms of time, by being patient, by honoring the child’s history, by being open to collaboration with the other parent, before any formal sharing of control is contemplated.
Fear of overstepping can also fuel resistance. Even a well-intentioned and caring step-parent can unwittingly bring in rules or expectations that conflict with the biological parent’s desires or the child’s accustomed routine. Parents want to shield their children from sudden change or mixed messages: clear boundaries about who decides what bolsters consistency, especially when the child is coming to terms with divorce. In this story, “Josh” does seem to have some conflictual tendencies with the father in the story, particularly when he seems to be trying to imply the father shouldn’t be at the birthday party.
A reluctance to grant a step-parent the same rights as a parent derives from the necessity to protect the child’s stability and the parent-child bond. By acknowledging these concerns and proceeding with openness, respect, and patience, families are sometimes able to strike a balance: welcoming the step-parent’s positive contributions while preserving definite roles and legal safeguards until, if ever, broader rights are suitable. However, it’s also entirely reasonable for a parent to decide that their ex is all too zealous to involve their new partner and to want to pump the brakes.
The father added some more details in the comments
Most readers agreed with him
