I love a good joke as much as the next person. Whether it begins with “Knock, knock,” a horse walking into a bar or a cheesy set-up for a hilarious pun, I’m all ears. But there are some off-limits topics that we should never poke fun at, especially if they’re already sensitive to the audience.
One childfree woman reached out to Reddit seeking advice after her mother-in-law made a “joke” about messing with her birth control that she did not find funny at all. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as conversations with the author and Sara Scott of Wonder & Sundry.
RELATED:This woman and her husband always agreed that they didn’t want children
But after her mother-in-law casually joked about sabotaging her birth control, she began to get worried
The woman also provided some more background information on the situation
Readers assured her that she had every right to assert boundaries, and some called out her husband for failing to show support
The author later confronted her husband and shared an update on the status of her marriage
“She doesn’t want grandchildren because she loves them; she wants to have them as some sort of trophy”
To find out more about this situation, we reached out to the author, Reddit user Few_Function_9129. She was kind enough to have a chat with We and reveal whether or not she’s heard from her mother-in-law since this incident. “So far, I haven’t heard from her or my ex,” she shared.
The woman also noted that this isn’t the first time she has had an issue with her mother-in-law. “I have, multiple times. They were all involving grandchildren,” she said. “She would often nag me about having children, until one time I just outright said that me and my ex wouldn’t be having children. Then came the classic, ‘But who will take care of you when you’re old?’ ‘You’ll be lonely and miserable!’”
As for why the mother-in-law is so adamant about having grandkids, Few_Function_9129 says, “She wants to be a grandmother for the title of it. She doesn’t want grandchildren because she loves them; it’s because she wants to have them as some sort of trophy.”
Finally, we asked the author what she thought of the replies to her post. “The responses helped me a a lot in figuring out what to do next,” she shared. “I’m very grateful for everyone that commented.”
“I was told frequently that deciding not to have children was selfish”
In many places, it’s still the norm to want to have children. But, as I’m sure you’ve heard, birth rates are declining in Europe, the United States and many Asian countries. According to the Pew Research Center, in 2023, 47% of American adults between the ages of 18 and 49 said they’re unlikely to ever have kids. In 2018, however, only 37% of adults in the US said the same.
To find out more about what it’s like to be a childfree woman in this day and age, we got in touch with Sara Scott of Wonder & Sundry.
First, we asked Sara how common it is for parents to pressure their children to have kids. “Many parents of adult children want grandchildren, but, unfortunately, some do not respect the fact that it’s not their decision whether or not to have them,” she told We. “I know of many friends whose parents have crossed the line (though not like the OP’s MIL—yikes!) when they didn’t produce offspring on their timetable.”
“In my own experience, I was told frequently that deciding not to have children was selfish,” Sara continued. “Part of that, I’m sure, was denying them grandchildren. But I also think that they expected me to go through what they went through, and [they assumed] that a child-free life was stunted in some way.”
“I don’t think that most parents are deliberately wanting their adult children to suffer, but I think that there’s an undercurrent of it in these types of situations,” she added.
So how can childfree individuals set boundaries with people who don’t respect their choice not to have kids?
“In my case, I worked through this in therapy—not the decision not to have kids, as I just didn’t and didn’t feel bad about it personally—but the anger my parents had toward me about my decision,” Sara says. “I then had conversations with my parents about it.”
“I explained that it wasn’t their decision to make and that their refusal to accept my choice was hurting our relationship. It took a lot of conversations, and I still don’t think they really understand my decision, but they did come around to respecting my choices,” she continued.
“I can’t think of a single decision that affects our lives more than the decision of whether or not to have children”
Sara added that not all parents are like this though, so she recommends discussing this with a therapist who will validate your feelings before approaching the topic with your parents. “If they don’t accept your choice, then take the steps you need to take to protect yourself,” she shared.
As for why it’s so important for people to decide for themselves whether or not they want kids, Sara says, “I can’t think of a single decision that affects our lives more than the decision of whether or not to have children.”
“If we decide to have kids just to please our parents, then we aren’t really living our own lives,” she noted. “And that would be terrible, not just for us, but for the children who would know. Because it always comes out in one way or another, that they weren’t really wanted.”
Finally, Sara says society as a whole should be discussing this topic more often. “There’s often a sense of shame, or, even believing that we’re being selfish if having kids just isn’t something that we want to do,” she told We. “And if we aren’t talking about it and stuffing those feelings down, then we are giving into the idea that there’s just one path for women.”
“I’m an aunt to three incredible children, and being a part of their lives has brought me incredible joy,” Sara added. “I love them to bits, and they love me. We have a blast, and I’m an important part of their lives. We have the relationship that we have precisely because I am not a parent myself. This has taught me that there’s more than one way to nurture in this world.”
Finally, readers applauded the woman for standing up for herself
