“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou uttered those words over two decades ago, but they will always ring true. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to see someone’s true colors, especially if you consider them to be a friend.
Redditors have recently been recalling times when they realized that a “friend” wasn’t actually who they thought they were, so we’ve gathered some of their most heartbreaking tales below. We sincerely hope that you can’t relate to any of these experiences, pandas. But if you can, remember that you deserve to have amazing friendships and that you can always cut out relationships that aren’t serving you. Keep reading to find a conversation with the user who started this thread, and be sure to upvote the stories that resonate with you.
#1
When he threw a unopened can of coke at a homeless person. Stopped being his friend right then and there and I took the homeless women to get food and gave her money to go get replacement clothes from goodwill. I’ve never been so ashamed of someone before or after that.
#2
He was a co-worker that hadn’t been on the job long and I was tasked with training him. We worked a service route driving from job to job. He was in his van following me and I passed a turtle in the middle of the road on the painted line. I looked back in my rear view mirror in time to see him purposely swerve and run over the turtle. A*****e!
#3
He explained to me, after the George Floyd protests, that the outcome of the Civil War was wrong, and that Covid was the fault of black people. Never heard any kind of trash like that from him over twenty years. I stood up, told him I would never darken his threshold again and that we were through as friends. I’ve kept my word.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Just_want_advice_7, who invited others to share stories about their former friendships. The author was kind enough to have a chat with We and discuss how this thread came to be.
“I don’t know what really inspired me to ask this question,” they shared. “I was in bed, sleepy and bored, so I thought, ‘Why not ask this question?’ I even realized later the next day that I didn’t type it well because I was almost half asleep.”
#4
I’d always bought my best friend lunch in high school, Like everyday. Every when he had detention, I’d come by and drop him off food. This one week, I lost my wallet, so no money. Surprisingly he he had money that week I didn’t have money. I asked him if he could get me lunch and straight up said no. I thought he was joking and then he just bought food and ate by himself. Made me really think people can be so greedy to their best friend. I stopped hanging out with him after that, and I didn’t buy him food anymore.
(He didn’t steal my wallet it was at my grandma’s house.).
#5
My friend owns a very popular food truck in the south. She’s netting a half a million a year in revenue. She needed help for a big event, so I went down and worked for her this past July. I worked with one of her regular employees and I asked how the tips were usually split up. The girl told me that my friend keeps every single tip, and that she’s never seen one. This girl is 20 years old and in college and my friend is still taking the few hundred bucks from her. That money is a drop in the bucket for my friend, but life changing for that girl. At that point I realized true greed. Haven’t talked to her since.
#6
Left his wife and kids because he was in love with my wife, who wasn’t interested in him at all. Then literally never saw his kids again and gave up all parental rights. Her next husband, also a friend of mine, adopted them and has been a great dad.
Unfortunately, the OP shared that they know how it feels to realize that a friend isn’t a good person.
“I had an experience with a friend recently, she was a friend of 6 years,” they told We. “She was very dear to me, but suddenly, when I started university, she ghosted me then blocked me for no reason. That’s when I started realizing the red flags she had during our friendship.”
#7
Going on our 30th year of being friends. Dating back to meeting in boot camp and years together afterwards in navy commands.
He became a US Marshall, early 2002, and it’s now 2020 and the riots were going strong.
I asked him some questions to learn about what the law enforcement community opinions were about the riots.
He said, and I quote, “all black people are f*****g animals!”
I told him we could not be friends anymore and blocked him.
#8
I started dating a really nice girl who worked in a jewelry store. After three or four dates, she told me that my roommate and supposed friend had stopped by the store to tell her my dad was an alcoholic. Which was true, but we both thought it was crude and strange that he did that.
I dumped him and married her. Still married 40 years later.
#9
He called his wife a c**t, to her face, in my house.
I told him “you’re not gonna call her a c**t in my house.”.
Just_want_advice_7 also noted that the replies to their post made them realize how often people get betrayed by their friends. And finally, they shared some advice for readers. “The moment you realize your friend is using you or isn’t a good person, stop being friends with them before it’s too late,” the author told We.
#10
That time he told me my trans cousin should be shot and it didn’t even occur to him that that’s my cousin. He said it like I was just meant to agree with him like “oh hey, this is what us regular people think when there’s no weirdos around, right?”
Haven’t spoken to him since.
Edit: the icing on the cake is how he just moved on to a different topic as though he didn’t just tell me he thought a member of my family should be executed cuz pronouns or something.
#11
When she and another friend of hers were mad at this guy they knew and she told me they were planning to sneak over to his house and “k*ll his dog” for revenge. (I don’t think they ever did it honestly but yeah, what a crazy b***h).
#12
I had a miscarriage, and in response to that news my best friend attached pictures of her own three-month-old baby, ostensibly to cheer me up, at the end of her condolence email (we had grown up together but settled in different cities). I was so stunned by this that I wasn’t sure how to address it; I thought she had perhaps attached the pictures by mistake? She was after all my best friend of many years, so surely she wouldn’t have been so insensitive– so I didn’t reply. For the sake of loving her, and I wanted to continue to love her, I decided it wasn’t deliberate, but it was quite hurtful and it stayed on my mind.
At our next in-person visit, a few months later, she brought up that she had had the idea to send me the baby pictures but thought it “might hurt my feelings,” but also that her baby “was just so cute!” so she asked her husband, a psychologist, if it would be cruel. He reassured her it would be fine, so she attached them. I was even more shocked by this revelation– I could forgive thoughtlessness, but to have her say to my face that she’d thought it could hurt me, but went looking for permission to do it anyway because her baby was cute? Nah. It ended our friendship.
#13
When my friend came out MAGA.
#14
He slept with my girlfriend, and they both gaslit me telling me it wasnt a big deal “she didnt think of me as her bf in her head”
And then sometime later she cheated on him and he was surprised…..
#15
They were screaming in my face repeatedly that my dead mom is still alive in heaven after I had nicely asked them not to say that to me. Edit: my best friend from pre k until I was 22.
#16
When he straight lifted up his girlfriends shirt and bra while we were all chilling at another friend’s house exposing her to all like 5 of us hanging out.
#17
We walked past the gay pub in town and he ran up to it, opened the door and shouted “f**g*ts”!!
Twat.
#18
We lived in the same dorm and worked at the same place. I gave him a ride to work daily because he didn't have a car for a few months. The thought never occurred to me to ask for money because it I was going there anyway…why would I? He got a car and my car broke down. I asked for a ride. He asks me for gas money.
#19
When I got a big promotion at work and she said “what, did no one else want it or something?” Knew right then she didn’t think I was deserving or qualified. Really took the wind out of my sails. She was one of the first people I told because I was excited about it.
#20
We went out clubbing and I happened to come across and old friend. She later was making jokes about him being “ugly” and “looking like an alien.” He was a burn victim and she knew that. She would also park in the handicapped spots when she had no disabilities. She then leaked my phone number online having people harass me and thought she was doing something by dating my abusive ex bf. They lasted two weeks.
#21
My best friend since 4th grade. We were inseparable, even when we grew up and had families of our own.
Then, one day, his wife told me a story about his time in art school.
He didn’t go to art school. I did. It was my story.
He co-opted my life to his wife.
And while it was insignificant as an overall lie, it was still a lie that he never corrected or confessed to her.
I never looked at him the same. It changed who he was to me forever.
#22
They constantly downplay whatever it is you’re sharing – life problems, emotions, general concerns etc. It was a sad realization.
#23
Not really a friend. Rather his mother.
When I was kid I used to hang out all the time with another kid whose mother was sort of the stereotypical Italian mother. Way too involved, a bit of a smotherer. But she seemed nice.
Once I stopped around his house (this was the 80s, so no cell phones) and he & his family wasn’t home, but some other kids across the street called me over & I started hanging out with them. Fast forward an hour or so and the friend who wasn’t home comes home with his parents. The mom comes over and invites me in their house to play Atari or something like that.
The other kids weren’t invited, and it seemed rude to ditch the other kids, so guilt kicked in and I declined. Just seemed like the right thing to do, but friend’s mom apparently took this as a slight. To teach me a lesson, she then ordered a pizza and when it arrived invited all the kids in their house – except me. Obviously the other kids went for the pizza and I got ditched, for trying to do the right thing.
I was so hurt by it I refused to hang out with her son again and that was pretty much the end of our friendship.
#24
When I spent £100 on their birthday and they wouldn’t buy me a 69p drink.
#25
She talked poorly about every single person she knew/met.
#26
He was caught stealing from another friend and instead of even pretending to apologize, he came up with a convoluted excuse to justify it.
#27
They purposely embarrass you in front of others, then expect you to get over it. They bully other people. (This was HS).
#28
Myself and a friend walked down an alley in the night and saw a drunkard pass out on steps, he looked in poor condition so I said nothing and friend said ” we could rob this man and we would never be found out”. So I say “don’t be stupid, look at man’s coat, he is veteran. Would not have much anyway”. But he insisted and say “we can sell the medals”. I felt disgusted, told that I do not want to see his face around our block again and that he no longer part of my friends. To be fair, we were hungry and desperate but I will not rob veteran of he’s medals.
#29
Less than 24 hours after having a brain tumor removed, he called and wanted me to bring him some weed.
#30
When everything was a competition.
#31
When we got separated and my life got 100% better.
#32
He talked badly about trans people a week before I wanted to come out to him.
Never ditched a friend that fast.
#33
When I realized I was going above and beyond to help him but he was nowhere near when I needed assistance. Fvck him…..he was a leech.
#34
When my best friend literally went out of his way to f**k every girl I had a crush on and succeeded. Good on him for doing so but it absolutely destroyed my self esteem of which I still have none. This was in high school. I’m 39 and perpetually single. My fault I know.
#35
When he baselessly accused me of having an affair with his wife, who happens to be one of my closest platonic female friends. This was with my wife and his wife present too. When we all flatly denied it, including my own wife who is also best friends with his wife he threatened to punch me in the face if it turned out to be true.
Our theory to this is projection as he stays away on ‘buisiness’ an awful lot.
#36
Where do I start.
We moved to a new apartment together. About a month later, she let her wealthy fiance move in without telling me until days before – without asking me if it was okay. And I was still expected to pay half the rent. Months later when I couldn’t handle it, I had to ask her to make him cover his portion.
She would tell me rude things and expect me to have no reaction.
She would tell me how to spend my money and would act surprise when I got pissed off. Then she would say, “Wow, I didn’t think you were the kind of person who let money matter to them.”
After she forced me to move out, she didn’t send me anything I asked her to send me. Everything I really treasured that was too big for my two pieces of luggage were all lost – paintings i bought from my favorite artist, my jewelry-making supplies, my clothes. Of course, she kept everything I ever gave her. I still cry thinking about it now. .
#37
She came to my (and my roommate’s) room crying. We of course let her in and tried to find out what was wrong. She starts telling us all about her relationship and how it’s gone so wrong.
She’s been abusing her partner for literal months, being physically violent to him, emotionally manipulative, and threatening suicide every time he tries to leave her. Meanwhile she’s gotten super close to his family and her partner has been too ashamed to tell any of them what she’s been doing to him– only her side of the story has reached them. Finally the partner has managed to cut ties fully and block her everywhere and tell his brother about it, ensuring he has some support. However, evidently, she’s just taken a pregnancy test and it’s positive. So she wants to get back in touch with him so he can take responsibility– but she adds in that it’d be nice if he texted her for her birthday too, and really they should just talk because she’s sure she can convince him to come back to her.
My roommate and I are just making horrified eye contact and trying to firmly tell her that she needs to leave this poor man alone and get her s**t together. Eventually we calm her down enough that she decides to go home and leaves our dorm. I have no idea what happened with the situation after that: we made a real effort not to ever see her again. She ended up getting kicked out of our college for calling in a false gun threat. No idea why she told us everything– we weren’t /that/ close and (we thought!) never gave off vibes that we would be okay and supportive of abuse!!
#38
Him and his girlfriend did a ton of c**aine in an attempt to abort her pregnancy.
#39
When they got mad at a common friend for not being in town when they wanted to stay at their apartment. Confirmed when they got mad at me for not being available to “accompany” (drive) them to a party.
#40
When they decided to become friends with me. Really shows poor character and bad decision making.
#41
My best friend at that time f****d his coworker’s wife for months. They were friends at work, barbecue and s**t every 2-3 weeks.
Such a dog.
#42
When called out on a lie, they just kept digging. Made me realise that they were likely a compulsive liar… I was right. Ditched em.
#43
When he kept making racist remarks knowing how uncomfortable it made me.
#44
When they treat someone fair to their face, then put them down, ridicule, and criticize them to their back. Really sends me down that path where I wonder what they say about me when my back is turned.
#45
When she told me I wasn’t fun anymore because I wouldn’t smoke weed or drink myself into a coma. Fun times.
#46
When they laugh at your struggles instead of supporting you. 😔.
#47
Despite no arguments or any negative interactions between us, I got ghosted.
I barely have anyone in my life as it is (living abroad), so it’s hard.
#48
Moved into our first apartment together and at first he was a great roommate. Over time he started working extra shifts and spent a lot of time at work, so he was really only home to sleep. He started to get very passive aggressive about things like the electric bill because of this, to the point where he would seemingly wake up from a dead sleep to turn off lights when I left a room for more than a minute, or intentionally make things inconvenient around the apt to “teach me a lesson”.
The point where it got ridiculous was any time he was home he would turn off the AC/Heater, regardless of the weather. One morning I woke up drenched in sweat and sick to my stomach because he turned off the AC the night before and my room was boiling. I was so f****d up I had just enough energy to crawl out of my room and into the living room(the only part of the apt that didn’t face the sun in the morning) and promptly passed out on the floor in my underwear.
But the point where is got malicious was that following winter. I like to sleep in in colder temps, so not having the heater on all the time really didn’t bother me much, but one day as I was leaving the apt to get groceries, I peered into his room and saw him packing up a space heater. Knowing what he was doing, I asked him why he had a space heater… He said he tried to use it to heat his room, but it did not work well enough. I just laughed in his face. He was so determined to enact his own form of retribution over the electricity bill, he arguably made it worse by using a space heater in an attempt to make a point. He never actually had a face to face conversation about it with me, and after that night I didn’t care.
Ultimately we went our separate ways, and he moved out of state. I understand where he was coming from in retrospect, but if he had just done the bare minimum and had an honest conversation with me, I would have been receptive. Instead, He treated it like a game, and if he made my life inconvenient enough I would relent…
#49
Out of the clear blue while we were watching football. “I f*****g hate n***” i asked if he was serious, got a bunch of “reasons” and never talked to him again.
#50
When he didn’t pay me back the money he said he would.
#51
I noticed money missing.
#52
When she posted a video herself driving drunk with an alcoholic beverage in hand.
#53
Went from victim to abuser real quick. Turns out if a person is consistently in f****d up situations or has f****d up friends, they’re the constant and that pattern of behavior will eventually reach back to you. It’s also a good rule of thumb that if they refuse to communicate about their feelings, as in they’re avoiding them or confronting someone about them, they will neglect yours.
#54
There were several.
She talked trash about others’ appearances from time to time.
She acted like I was wrong for being upset that my at the time bf wouldn’t talk to me for days at a time after a fight. Acted like it was ridiculous that I wanted some sort of timeline as to when he’d be ready to talk.
She’d yell at employees off the clock.
#55
When she started arguing with my kid (mind you we’re both almost 30 years older than her) and later told me she did it on purpose cause she didn’t like that my kid was talking bad about the popular kids. 🙄.
#56
When I got my first job and my friend got pissed off and said “I applied there too and didn’t get a call back.” No congratulations, just that. I slowly cut them off after that.
#57
Had a friend group, and in it was this woman who told the friend group that I was black mailing her, stalking, and harassing her. Of course they sided with her. Told em to go to the police if she had evidence. Of course nothing came up from it.
Good lessons learned from that situation. .
#58
When her tag line to every advice she gives me is “stay toxic”.
#59
When I realized I was doing waayyyy more for her than she was for me. She had me doing things with her that I would have never even thought of doing when I wasn’t her friend. The best decision I ever made was getting rid of her!
#60
Childhood best friend (Chbf) invited me to an out of town music festival, didn’t offer a ticket (the ticket thing really shouldn’t matter, but it will) nor did they let me know what the hotel arrangement was. I meet Chbf there, after making my own hotel arrangements, only to find out that Chbf had brought someone else whom I’d never met and whom they just met a few months prior. His ticket and hotel were paid for…
We went on, no biggie, I brought some alcohol and some weed, Chbf said they would “sneak it in”. They rushed on at the gate, I didn’t see them for a while (I, luckily, had other people there I could hang out with). We find each other later for them to admit they’d already drank and burned most of everything that I had brought. I left on the spot and went on a 3 hour drive home.
This was only the “beginning.” Some b******t came before this and much more came afterwards. I’ve, since, gone great lengths to not have to see this person again.