Most of us are used to reading job descriptions, but they’re usually written by companies hoping to attract new talent. You’ll find out all about how exciting and innovative their fast-paced work environment is, while trying to decipher what exactly they mean when boasting about the competitive benefits and salary that they have to offer.
But the way that you would describe your own job is likely quite different from how the company would advertise it on LinkedIn. In fact, you might even choose to explain it in the worst way possible. TikTok users have recently been sharing absolutely awful yet hilarious descriptions of what they do for a living, so we’ve gathered the most brilliant ones below. Enjoy scrolling through and trying to guess which careers these replies are referring to, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find surprisingly accurate!
#1
Fire start, I go splish splash, firen’t.
#2
Customer angry, call me, customer angrier.
#3
Car go kaput, make car go vroom again.
#4
Ppl sad, ppl pay me, ppl still sad but understand why.
#5
I talk, kids stare, I talk again, bell ring.
#6
Tree grow. I give hair cut, tree happy!
#7
Ppl want sticker, I put permanent sticker on them 🙂
#8
I tell people have you tried turning it off and on again.
#9
I yap. Tiny humans write what I say. Every few months I ask tiny humans what I said. If they remember, then they get to leave in a few years.
#10
They come, cry about boyfriend, leave with pretty nails.
#11
Person sick, I tell them what eat. Person less sick if they listen. Person never listen.
#12
I’m a nanny for a fully grown executive.
#13
Person not have product, I manipulate person, person have product.
#14
Person hungry. Food on dough. Mamma Mia. Person not hungry.
#15
When the grim reaper says yes, I say no.
#16
I get trained, I want fight other country, I come back and wife cheated.
#17
I spend hours making edible architecture that people stare at for five minutes, photograph from every angle, then brutally stab with a knife.
#18
I get verbally and physically bullied by people 1/3 of my size.
#19
People no English, me suffer, now people English.
#20
Person 1 no Spanish, person 2 no English, me English and Spanish.
#21
People yell at me, I give burger.
#22
Person bad. Person pay me. I lie and fight for person. Person bad but free.
#23
I tell computers what to do and sometimes it works.
#24
I send emails about meetings and book meetings about emails.
#25
I play real-life LEGO, but it’s heavy, costs millions, and people yell if it falls over.
#26
Pc break? call me. pc breakn’t
#27
1.people yell at me
2. I yell at kitchen
3. I fake smile at you.
#28
People want house. I design house. Boss yell at me. I cry in the corner.
#29
You did bad, I stare, you confess.
#30
Live-in therapist, chef, cleaner, hostage negotiator. Same two clients. No sleep.
#31
The worse I treat people the more they pay me 😂.
#32
People watch me, I go “to be or not to be”, people clap.
#33
People come, people gossip, people leave with new hair.
#34
Baby ask “mama?”, I say “mama work”, baby cry, we do craft, we sing, we read.
#35
Overworked and underpaid.
#36
People bring things, i beep beep, they give money.
#37
People naughty, put Ankle bracelet on, I watch on computer.
#38
Meemaw sick, me take care of meemaw, meemaw sickn’t.
#39
People don’t pay, I say hey, pay.
#40
I mix sugar, flour, and unrealistic Pinterest expectations – so people can destroy it in 5 minutes.
#41
People sad. I make drink. People no sad.
#42
You do illegal thing? Pay me. I say Nuh uh not true.
#43
You no like skin? I care, you like skin now.
#44
Ppl enter big tube, I take care of you, ppl exit tube in new location.
#45
Airplane not feeling good, sees me. Airplane feels good.
#46
I dig hole. I cut pipe. House has No more water, I fix pipe. House have water now. Person complain.
#47
No electricity, me arrive, electricity.
#48
Person no sing, I say raise your yayaya, person now sings.
#49
-you ill
-i give pills
-you not ill.
#50
Hospital Uber driver.
#51
People has problem, i ask chat gpt, people happy.
#52
I convince people to spend thousands of dollars to temporarily run away from their lives.
#53
I call. You ask if I’m selling smth. I say nuh uh but I actually am. You call me scammer and hang up 💀.
#54
You put numbers on a paper, you ask me if it’s good, I say you’re wrong and you scream at me until you realise I’m right.
#55
I talk to myself.
#56
Person no swim, I help, person now swim.
#57
People pay me to listen to them gossip about other people but I can’t tell anyone.
#58
When yall parents get old, I go and learn their schedule for them.
#59
Ppl no French, I oui oui, they Oh La La.
#60
I’m a human mechanic.
#61
Scroll, double tap, scroll, double tap.
#62
Did you try putting it in rice?
#63
I draw house, engineer cry at drawing, house gets made anyway.
#64
I jobn’t.
#65
I argue so you don’t have to. Even if you’re wrong.
#66
I draw picture, I put picture in book. parents buy book for kid.
#67
Stare at computer, punch numbers in calculator, cry, do all over again.
#68
I manage small humans doing basic tasks in a loud room while following rules, cleaning stuff, and writing things down. Documentation is frequent. Noise levels fluctuate. Stickers are distributed. Sometimes there’s glue.
#69
Snoop around in the company. No one likes me there 😭😭.
#70
Want coffee? give coffee.
#71
Person run on side of pool, me: WALK.
#72
I show up, room dirty, room not dirty, I leave.
#73
Ppl yelling at me, I cant yell back, ppl curse me, I can’t curse back.
#74
Pretend stuff. Say lines. Fake cry.
#75
Kid no read, kid read to me, kid happy to read. kid need medicine, I walk with kid, get medicine. kid no maths good, I show maths easy, kid do maths gooder.
#76
I work 48 hours a week just so people can say “yeah I think AI does that” 😂.
#77
Plane go up, coffee? plane go down.
#78
Sausage roll and steak bake giver.
#79
People speak English, I say the same in Spanish. People speak Spanish, I say the same in English.
#80
Ppl get baby, ppl no want baby, ppl come to me, no more baby.