If parenting is a marathon, then stepparenting is probably like doing it barefoot, uphill, during a hurricane, while someone critiques your form. Anyone who’s ever been part of a blended family knows that it comes with its own dynamic. Now imagine trying to juggle toddlers, stepkids, ex-spouses, and a sister-in-law who seems to have an unsolicited opinion subscription.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) is a stepmom who is facing the kind of guilt that only a passive-aggressive comment from a relative can plant. Now, she’s questioning if living life during her stepkids’ off-weeks is unfair parenting.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:If there’s one thing most parents can count on aside from laundry and grocery shopping, it’s unsolicited parenting advice
The author has two biological kids and two stepkids who spend their time with her and their dad every other week
However, she noticed that whenever the stepkids came around, they’d act up, and their biological mom made it clear it was up to her to address it
Her sister-in-law also came in with her opinion that she seemed to be punishing the stepkids for their bad behavior by always doing nice things for her kids whenever they were away
The author made it clear that she was doing no such thing, and that she wasn’t going to put off spending time with her kids just because the stepkids weren’t around
The OP is a mom of two young kids and a stepmom to two older children. Her husband shares 50/50 custody with his ex-wife, meaning the stepkids alternate weeks between their parents’ homes. While things were civil on paper, the lived experience was a little more complicated. When the stepkids were with her and their dad, their behavior took a nosedive, especially when he wasn’t around.
The kids were more defiant, pushed boundaries, and often reminded her she wasn’t their mom. Despite efforts from her husband to correct this, the ex-wife reportedly didn’t see the issue. However, that wasn’t the problem. OP’s sister-in-law took issue with her doing fun outings with her biological kids during the weeks the stepkids were with their mom.
The sister-in-law claimed that by not waiting to do these activities when the stepkids were around, it felt like they were being “punished” for misbehaving. According to her, it was creating a dynamic where the “real kids” got the fun while the “fake ones” were missing out.
The OP insisted that when all four kids were together, they did plenty of fun things as a family. However, during the off-weeks, she wanted to keep life going for the little ones rather than having them wait around like extras in someone else’s story. Her husband backed her up, rejecting the idea that life should go on pause just because the stepkids weren’t there.
Easy Gentle Therapy acknowledges that unsolicited parenting advice is a common and often frustrating part of parenting, especially for mothers. While people may mean well, their advice can come off as condescending or emotionally harmful.
They suggest a range of responses, from polite deflection to setting firmer boundaries, like directly stating you don’t want unasked-for input. Knowing how to respond helps protect emotional well-being and maintain control over one’s parenting choices.
According to Good Therapy, blending two families comes with emotional and logistical challenges. Children may struggle to adjust to new parenting styles, family routines, and even new siblings. On top of that, ongoing conflict between separated parents or tension between stepparents and biological parents can heighten stress levels in the household and cause friction.
Netizens sided with the stepmom, calling out the sister-in-law’s criticism as overblown and misplaced. They felt that ordinary activities like book fairs and library visits hardly counted as “living it up.” They also pointed fingers at the biological mom’s apparent lack of involvement and questioned why she wasn’t providing enriching experiences for her kids during her parenting time.
What do you think about this situation? Is it unfair to do fun activities with the younger kids when the older stepkids aren’t around, or is that just real life? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the author did nothing wrong and that the sister-in-law’s criticism was misplaced
