Parenting is already a rollercoaster, but imagine if the person who’s supposed to co-pilot decided to just jump off mid-ride.
That’s the reality of today’s Original Poster (OP) who is watching his wife spiraling deeper into mental health struggles, neglecting their children, their home, and even her own well-being. And now, it’s not just affecting their marriage, it’s hurting their kids.
More info: Reddit
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The author’s wife struggles with poor mental health, which has affected her role as a wife and parent
She had offered his niece an illegal substance and also shared inappropriate content with her which got CPS involved
However, CPS did nothing, and their kids are continually being affected by his wife’s actions
After a conversation with his wife, she shut him down immediately, and now he’s ready to serve divorce papers
The OP explained that his wife struggled with borderline personality disorder, anxiety, and depression, and that over the past few years she had gotten worse. She had now distanced herself from family responsibilities, could barely hold a job, ignored household tasks, and, most painfully, was uninterested in their children. Instead, she finds solace in illegal substances and talking to random men on Snapchat.
However the breaking point came when she crossed a serious line after she offered this illegal substance to his niece who is a minor and shared inappropriate content with her. Despite admitting everything to Child Protection Services, there were no real consequences.
The OP also recounted that their kids had expressed wishes of their mother being more active in their lives. Despite all the pain, he still sees his wife as someone who is sick, not cruel. He added that she has finally started therapy, which gives him a sliver of hope.
But after years of failed conversations and ignored attempts to make her see the damage she’s causing, he also wonders if it’s worth trying. With divorce papers ready and a lawyer on standby, he’s at a crossroads. Should he give her one final ultimatum, or accept that nothing will change and file for divorce?
To gain insight into how mental health disorders like BPD and depression affect parenting, We reached out to psychologist and certified NLP specialist Irina Matveeva, who explained that these conditions can create significant challenges for parents. She highlighted that BPD, which involves mood swings, impulsivity, and unstable relationships, can prevent parents from offering consistent emotional support.
She added that this creates an environment where children may feel insecure and confused. Depression, she noted, causes emotional withdrawal and lack of energy, often leading to neglect of parental duties and emotional unavailability.
We followed up by asking how a partner can handle this situation when it becomes overwhelming. “It’s crucial to set or reconsider boundaries,” Matveeva explained, emphasizing that if helping a partner is only worsening the situation, it’s time to reassess the role you’re playing.
“No one is obligated to sacrifice their mental health for another’s,” she continued, advising that professional intervention is often the healthiest solution for both parties involved.
Matveeva also discussed the long-term effects on children when a parent’s mental health struggles lead to neglect. She shared that children may adopt unhealthy behavior patterns, like becoming caretakers or normalizing toxic relationships, which can have lasting emotional consequences. “It’s easier to raise healthy children than to fix broken adults,” she stressed.
Netizens emphasized that the OP’s priority must be the children’s well-being. Many said that keeping them in such a harmful environment will cause serious emotional damage. The consensus is that while the wife’s mental health struggles are serious, they do not excuse her neglectful and dangerous behavior. Others also urged immediate action, with many pushing for divorce and legal protections.
What would you do in this situation? If you were in his shoes, would you try one last conversation or file for divorce immediately? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the wife’s actions were doing serious damage, and applauded the author for prioritizing his kids
