Dating someone in med school sounds like a flex. You get to have free medical advice on demand or cool Grey’s Anatomy trivia during dinner. But imagine living in a constant pop quiz with no buzzer, no break, and no escape.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) is a med student who opened up about how her boyfriend, a pre-med dropout turned armchair pharmacologist, constantly bombards her with medical questions. However, she’s now wondering: is this normal? Or has the teaching moment gone way too far?
More info: Reddit
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The author is a medical student with a boyfriend who hoped to get into med school, but didn’t
However, she noticed that he would start quizzing her on everything that had to do with medicine
This made her uncomfortable and mentally exhausted, but her boyfriend insisted that she should be grateful that his questioning was helping her learn new things
She was fed up with his behavior and decided to break up with him, and that was when he revealed that he had always known she was an intellectual snob
He also added that he had been wanting to break up with her for a long time now and that she had to be suffering from narcissism or OCD, anyway
He went ahead to wish her luck staying in med school and informed her it wasn’t a sustainable career choice, leaving her surprised
The OP explained that her boyfriend once had dreams of medical school, but after hitting a wall in weed-out classes, he pivoted to a different field. Despite leaving medicine behind, his curiosity didn’t fade, and she notice that her boyfriend started throwing medicine-related questions at her left and right.
Whether it was when watching a medical drama or hearing a bizarre health claim at work, her boyfriend would turn every moment into a teachable one for her. He wanted answers about diseases, medications, side effects, and real-life accuracy. And if the show prescribed something weird, he would grill her on what the “correct” treatment should be.
It didn’t stop with fictional patients, though. The boyfriend also began bringing home far-fetched health claims and would ask her to justify why modern medicine hadn’t caught up. However, he wouldn’t want quick dismissals, he wanted a researched rebuttal every time.
When the OP decided she’d had enough, she told him she didn’t want to spend her rare free time answering questions, to which he called her lucky for being in med school and insisted that she should be happy to be learning new things every time she had to look up something to answer him. However, he didn’t realize that his incessant questioning was only making the OP feel small.
To understand the psychological dynamics at play when one partner constantly tests or quizzes the other, we reached out to clinical psychologist Florence Okezie, who explained that this behavior could stem from an unconscious desire to assert dominance or control within the relationship.
“The person testing their partner may often be positioning themselves as the ‘know-it-all’ or authority figure,” she said before adding that perfectionism could also be a contributing factor.
“If one partner holds themselves to extremely high standards, they might test their significant other’s knowledge or behavior as a way to measure their performance, driven by a need for everything to be ‘correct’ or up to par.”
While knowledge sharing is generally a positive aspect of relationships, Okezie acknowledged that it can cross into emotional labor when it becomes one-sided or overwhelming. She emphasized that signs of emotional labor include one partner taking on the disproportionate responsibility of teaching or explaining things, which can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion.
This dynamic can also begin to affect the partner’s confidence or sense of equality in the relationship. “If knowledge sharing consistently feels draining for one person or they are beginning to feel less of themselves, it may indicate emotional labor is at play,” she said.
Recognizing when you’re being intellectually devalued in a relationship can be difficult, as the signs are often subtle. Okezie highlighted that consistent undermining of one’s knowledge is a major indicator, as this behavior can lead to self-doubt, making one feel less competent or confident in their abilities.
She added that “it may even discourage the person from sharing their thoughts or insights in the future, and if the pattern continues, it can have a lasting impact on their sense of self-worth and intellectual autonomy in the relationship.”
Netizens maintained that the boyfriend’s behavior was rooted in insecurity and masked by constant questioning. They pointed out an undercurrent of misogyny, noting how he seemed threatened by a competent woman succeeding in a field he couldn’t break into.
The OP revealed that she eventually broke up with the boyfriend and that he indeed turned out to be even more insecure than she thought. However, what do you think about this? Do you think it’s fair to expect your partner to always be “on” when it comes to their career knowledge? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens rallied around the author, insisting that the now ex-boyfriend had most likely been jealous that he didn’t get into med school
